Dearly beloved: May GOD’s peace, mercy, love, joy, and healing grace be ever upon you. Pain, it is the most difficult of all our emotions. It is also the most destructive. If left to fester, it leads to hate, anger and sadness. If we do not control it, it makes us depressed and causes us to lash out. As a convict in a supermax prison, I am living in a house of pain. I myself sometimes suffer from it. It is very easy to fall into despair when you are serving a life sentence for crimes you did not commit. Satan loves to kick us when we are down. He often tries to plant doubt in my head. He tells me there is no use in fighting for my freedom or seeking justice. He tells me that I am worthless and hopeless. He tells me that no matter what I do I will die in here. He tells me that nobody cares about a colored ex-drug dealer and alcoholic. He tells me that I am a failure and. a loser who is washed up. He says I am nothing more than a waste of talent and no one will take pity on me or believe in me. I am not going to lie to you. Even as a man of faith, sometimes I want to give up and believe his dirty lies. There are times when my family is not able to visit me for months. During those times I often break down and cry. I sleep all day unable to get out of bed. A lot of you know exactly what I am talking about. Don’t you? Don’t you just want to give up and die sometimes? You see, we may not be in the same boat, but we are all traveling on a turbulent river called life. We can relate on many levels. You know what I do at my lowest points? I pray and read my bible and sometimes I feel instant joy, but other times it takes me a while to come out of my funk. This situation hurts and at times it feels hopeless.
Because of my disgusting choice to sell drugs I understand that most of society has no mercy for me nor love. I am not that man anymore and even when I was, I would not ever kill another human being. Even in defense of my life, I don’t know that I could. Of course, the argument can be made that the poison I sold was killing people. I have so much remorse for the life I lived and the people I polluted. I imagine that the apostle Paul felt remorse for the death of Steven even though it was not caused by his hand. Yet GOD redeemed him as He is doing with me. Still, l imagine that Paul often struggled with pain. But, he fought through it. He never lost faith in GOD; not even when he was persecuted and unjustly put in prison. Even when he was viciously executed, he believed in GOD and he fought through the pain. I refuse to believe satan’s lies. I know that there are people out there in the world who believe in redemption. I know that my current situation is nothing more than a minor setback which is preparing me for a major comeback. I prayed and GOD told me to reach out for help. He inspired me to get the Justice4Randall facebook page created which my family maintains. Hallelujah! Praise GOD!
This is the first time throughout this entire five-plus years that I have reached out to others for help. I have been so focused on helping others and giving back to the people in need of GOD that I never thought of asking someone to help me. I owe so much for the pain that I caused by selling drugs, I didn’t dare ask for help. But GOD said, “Son, you are a Christian and it is okay to accept help from your brothers and sisters.” I am a part of the body of Christ. We Christians are family and families are supposed to stick together. So, I started the Justice4Randall facebook page in hopes of raising enough money to hire a law firm to fight for me. I have been shafted by two public defenders who were crooked. Because of my color and background, I have been made into a political tool used to frighten people into voting for certain politicians who promise to rid the state of Maine of “dangerous black men”. In fact, the lead prosecutor was promoted after my trial and is now favored to be the next attorney general. The current attorney general is running for governor. They are desperately trying to cover up what they did in my case and several others. When you are up against that kind of power and corruption, you can’t fight it alone. You need GOD and His children on your side. I refuse to die a political prisoner whose back was used as a step ladder for those who thirst and lust for power and fame. This is very painful, but we are gonna fight through this pain together.
I know that some of you out there are facing even worse trials than I right now. Well, I want you to know that you are not alone, not at all. I am here with you. More importantly, GOD is with you if you let Him in. I want you to write me and I promise to pray for you and offer you whatever help I am able to lend. You are a part of my redemption. I want to help you fight through your pain. I included a recent picture of myself at the top of this post. It is not one of my best. I was going through a lot at the time and had been in tears the night before. You can see how heavy and bloodshot my eyes are. My facial hair was black five years ago when this nightmare began and as you can see it is mostly grey now. You are probably wondering why I shared such an unflattering photo. Well, I want you to see my struggle. I want you to understand that you are not the only one suffering. We are in a spiritual battle. Sometimes that takes a toll on us.
If you look at my photo real carefully you can see a twinkle in my eye. That is the light of GOD within me. If you are reading this and you are unsaved, now is the time. Let GOD help you fight through your pain. He loves you and He wants to help you.
Please repeat the following prayer: “Dear Jesus, I know that because of my sin I need Your forgiveness. I believe that You died on the cross for my sins. I believe You rose again so I could live with You. I want to stop living for myself and start living for You. I want Your peace in my life. I want forgiveness for my sins. Please come into my heart and change my life. I want to live with You forever. I want You to be my Lord and Savior. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
If you said it and you meant it, then welcome to the family. We are now in this together. Please contact us and let us help you on this new path you have chosen.
That picture of me is on one of my low days when satan really attacks me hard. But, truth be told, I have far more good days than bad. You can ask anyone who knows me; I am at peace more often than not. That peace is from GOD. I want you to feel it too. I LOVE all of you and I thank you for your prayers and support.
May GOD bless and keep you! May you support others and in turn be supported! May you let GOD help you fight through the pain! Amen!
Love in Christ,
(A man who is letting GOD help him fight through the pain!)