Dear Readers,
Last night I was strip-searched and my meager belongings were searched. I have been subjected to 200 or more searches over the past two years. It is something that one never gets used to. It is so undignified to be stripped naked in front of another man. I always feel dirty and violated afterward. Even though I am walking with the Lord, I struggle with my captivity at times. Human beings were never meant to be caged. All humans struggle with carnality, but I can tell you it is even more of a struggle when you are treated like an animal.
Being in bondage is a very painful experience. I have become closer to the Lord than I ever dreamed possible. This week was a hard one for me – emotionally and spiritually. Every time I feel low, my beautiful Lord lifts me back up and reminds me that I am not alone.
I study the Bible every day with a dear friend who visits me. He’s been sick, so I hadn’t seen him in five days. Right now we are studying 1st Timothy. Pain can quickly turn to anger and frustration. I had a lot of tension built up inside. I was in a spiritual battle all week. It is my dream to one day lead a ministry for the Lord. Much more is expected from a leader. Leaders are held to a much higher standard. The devil saw my struggle and he tried to convince me that I cannot lead. My friend and I studied chapter 3 of 1st Timothy. It was not planned; it’s just where we left off. When I realized the subject matter of the chapter, I was overwhelmed with emotion. My Lord was once again speaking to me and letting me know He is with me. My friend and I did not plan to read that study that day, but Jesus did. Once again, He reminded me that I am not alone, that He understands and He will help me through this.
Praise God! For He is good; for His mercy endures forever.
1 Timothy 3 (NKJV)
This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil. Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money, holding the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience. But let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons, being found blameless. Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.
These things I write to you, though I hope to come to you shortly; but if I am delayed, I write so that you may know how you ought to conduct yourself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth. And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness:
God was manifested in the flesh,
Justified in the Spirit,
Seen by angels,
Preached among the Gentiles,
Believed on in the world,
Received up in glory.
May God bless and keep you!
Love in Christ,
Randall